Laurel was maybe four feet tall and for feet wide, but only about six inches deep. Hardy was three feet deep, and three feet tall, while being four feet long. The markings on the box indicate that it might be the bed my parents ordered off Amazon for their room in the new house.
Thing is, they ordered a queen, and there's nothing queen-sized about either boxes. Not to mention the bed was supposed to be delivered Saturday the 15, not Monday the 10th. But damn, they were heavy. We somehow managed to struggle them in the front door, where I promptly attacked them with box cutters to find out what in sam hill was going on.
Laurel was a queen sized box spring, compressed and folded in half. Hardy was the mattress itself, folded and rolled up like a cinnamon roll without the icing.
This is where the Acme Shipping company comes in. Itty bitty (in comparison) boxes, get them open and the product out, and boom, it explodes into full-size. Straight out of Looney Tunes.
The box spring, unfolded and expanded, is very normal and queen-sized and sturdy. The mattress held no creases that one might expect from a mattress being folded and squished, and was rather comfortable when I collapsed on it after we finished fighting with everything.
WHO SHIPS A BED IN LITTLE BOXES? Acme and apparently Amazon. Or maybe Amazon has been Acme all along. WHO KNOWS. I never would have been able to get it inside without Jen's help, and I'm just as glad that it came yesterday and not today. Not only is it supposed to rain today, but I have chemo today. And did I mention them's were some heavy fuckers? Have you ever lifted a queen sized mattress? Have you tried lifting one that was devoid of air and compressed denser than a black hole? I can say I have.
It rolled into the bedroom nicely though, before I took off the tape and overwrap paper. The box spring was bubble-wrapped.
Well, between the bubble wrap and overwrap, that solves my problem of what I'm going to use to wrap my big, good lamp in for the move, I guess. The boxes, unfortunately, could not be salvaged and repurposed for the move. I had to cut them up too much just to get stuff out, and they were already starting to show signs of extreme wear and were filthy to boot.
Why are UPS boxes almost always covered with a layer of dusty grime? Nasty.
But there is a bed, and it came in a box. For a brief bit of time yesterday, my life took a turn into Looney Tunes land. I can now say I fully sympathize with Eddie Valiant. ~ Smile, darn ya, smile! You know this old world is a great world after all. Smile, darn ya, smile! And right away watch "Lady Luck" pay you a call. Things are never black as they are painted, time for you and joy to get acquainted. Make life worthwhile, come on and smile, darn ya, smile! ~
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