October 16: Ways To Help

So your friend or loved one has been diagnosed with Metastatic Breast Cancer. What can you do to help?

1) Don't tell them to be brave. Chances are, they're putting on a braver face than you can imagine because they don't want to worry you. Actually, go read (or re-read) the four-part entry on what not to say (Oct 8-11, 2014)

2) Ask what you can do to help... and follow through. If they answer and it's in your abilities, you made the offer. Nothing stinks more than being offered help, and having that help disappear when specifics come up.

3) Offer to do housework. Especially if they're undergoing radiation or chemotherapy, they might want to be able to clean the kitchen or do laundry, but lack the energy.

4) Make up casseroles that freeze and reheat well. First, be sure to account for their personal tastes and any weird taste glitches that treatment has brought up. For the last few rounds of my chemotherapy, I could not stand the taste of meat, especially chicken and seafood.

5) Find out if there's any supply they're going through quickly, and pick up some extra and surprises them. I went through boxes of tissue rapidly while on chemo due to increased sinus drainage and nosebleeds. I also started going through bottles of RealLemon juice, added to my water, since I could no longer stand the taste of plain water. I also snacked on dried, sweetened ginger candy to keep the nausea at bay.

6) Offer to drive them to and from chemotherapy and radiation appointments. If they need a ride or have been driving themselves, offer to help share the burden so they can rest on the way home. Plus, the company during infusion can be nice to have.

7) If they have a caretaker, ask the caretaker what you can do to help them. Sometimes the best way to help a cancer patient is to help the people already helping them.

8) Let them talk to you about what they're feeling. If they're having a bad day, let them vent without panicking that they're giving up. Avoid giving them empty platitudes, just give them an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

9) Spend time with them. If they're currently in active treatment, they might not be up for going out and doing very much. Coming over and watching a movie with them and just spending time with them can be priceless, especially with how little time we might have left.

10) Offer to accompany them to doctor appointments and take notes. It's hard to listen and remember everything that's said, especially with chemobrain being a thing. It's difficult to pay attention and take notes while interacting with the doctor, and having an impartial pair of ears listening can be a real boon.

For even more ideas, check out 44 Ways to Make the Day of Someone With Cancer by Elana Miller MD.