October 31: A Day Of Thanks

Thank you for spending October with me. As the Breast Cancer Awareness Month comes to a close, so does this run of Pinktober postings of Metastatic Advocacy. I am still an Advocate, and I will still post about Metastatic issues, but this month was a special project. As October ends and we're about to enter November, which holds the American holiday of Thanksgiving, I'd like to give thanks to certain people.

Thank you, to my readers, who are helping me make this blog into something that inspires and motivates me.

Thank you to my parents. Dad and Mom, I wouldn't be where I am without your love and support, both emotional and financial. Thank you for everything you've selflessly done for me. I love you.

Jennifer & Susanne.
Photo taken by Marla Austin Photography

Thank you to Jen, the love of my life. You are brilliant and amazing, and a bright source of joy to me. I count myself blessed every day that I have your love. Thank you for always standing by me, for supporting me, for taking care of me when I need it. You are my darling, my everything, my forever, and my wife. I love you now and always.

Thank you to Dr. Steven Dunder, my oncologist. You have shown me the patience of Job when I was still blinded from all the pinkwashing and in denial about my diagnosis, and you have proven to be good to your word, fighting this disease alongside me with as much passion and determination as I am. It was chance that I ended up with you for my oncologist, but a very lucky chance. You're a solid partner in this battle and I'm grateful for everything you've done.

Thank you to the nurses and staff at the Southeast Nebraska Cancer Center. You all actually succeeded in making me feel at home and welcome, in a cancer center of all places, with being recognized and called by name when I approach the reception desk, to the phlebotomists and their patience with my sometimes-stubborn port, to the radiology techs who give me my CT scans and plenty of sympathy when the contrast injection makes me sick, to the nurses in the exam area and in infusion who are always ready to answer questions and talk a little bit about life in general, seeing each and every one of us as a human being, and not just a patient. Thank you for all that you do.

Thank you to the "midlevel providers" at SNCC. You guys are top-level providers in my opinion. The care and treatment you give us is above and beyond excellent. Thank you for taking care of me.

Thank you to Bronson Riley, for being such a wonderful Genetic Counselor. You have patience and passion and a remarkable ability to explain genetics to the rest of us. Thank you for walking me through the process of getting tested for the BRCA mutation.

Thank you to Catherine Verplank, my oncology nurse navigator. You are a pleasure to work with and are always just an email away if I need you. Thank you for all that you do.

Thank you to my friends, old and dear, who have stood by me as the news of my diagnosis broke, and offered all the support you could. Thank you for being there, and for still being here as my friend. Thank you for crying with me, for laughing with me, for helping me come up with enough posts to fill this month, and for being just generally awesome.

Thank you to my new friends, my sisters and brothers united against this horrible beast, for giving me a safe space to vent and an understanding ear to listen, letting me know I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. Thank you for your support and encouragement, and for the inspiration you give me.

Wedding Photos

Wish Upon a Wedding has released some of the official pictures from Marla Austin Photography today. I want to share a few of them with all of you.

Tis Me! And I love my wig.

The love of my life.

From L to R: Rebecca F., me, Shari (officiant), Jen, Sara L.

First kiss!

From James Avery Jewelers. In Hebrew it reads "Where you go I will go from the Book of Ruth

Jen's bouquet has green carnations, mine has pink. Mine was also in METAvivor colors.

Wedding: A Recap

As I write this, I'm snacking on dipped pretzels provided by Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory as wedding favors. They're good.

It's Monday night. well, technically, Tuesday morning. Twenty-four hours ago, I was collapsed exhausted in a very comfortable bed at the Hampton Inn, recovering from a day which, for me, began at four in the morning. I've been waking up at that time for the last week and a half to take my antibiotic, which has me accustomed to the routine. It was only two hours before the alarm would go off and I couldn't fall back asleep, so I decided the hell with it and got up.

We left shortly before 8:30 to stop to get a newspaper which had an article about us in it, and some drinks for the trip, then picked up a friend on the way out of town. We went to the Hampton Inn for early check-in, meeting the wedding planner, and got our first glimpse of where we'd spend the night. We were then given the jewelry donated by Rhylan Lang. One necklace was a pendant, the other was a strand of three. They went beautifully with our dresses. The pendant matched the gemwork on my dress's bodice, and the three-strand one matched the drape of Jen's gown.

Then we went to the reception hall and got a preview of that, and boarded the party bus for Council Bluffs. At the EQ School of Hair Design, the bridesmaids all got dressed while the instructor, Margi, herself a two-time breast cancer survivor, helped me with my wig and styled in the veil and tiara. Christine from Blush Makeup Artistry painted up my face. I was airbrushed, such a weird sensation, and I wore false eyelashes for the first time.

Christine, myself, and Margi

The bridesmaids all had their hair and makeup done after, while the rest of the party bus riders relaxed in the salon with snack sacks my mother put together and brought to the salon for everyone.

The wedding party plus Kim at the salon

After that was done, we all boarded the bus again and headed to Willow Creek Glass Chapel. We got lost once and had to turn around, and it was well off the beaten path on gravel roads which kicked up a ton of dust. Because some windows were open due to the warm temperatures, everyone at the back of the bus got covered in dust.

Jen and I got changed into our gowns after we got there, and donned the jewelry and posed for pictures. While standing around and trying to walk in them, my pumps rubbed the sides of my feet raw so I ended up abandoning them for the actual ceremony, especially since I had to go up and down several steps without a railing, which isn't easy for me to do.

Aside from the shoes, the ceremony went beautifully. Once we were done and out, we boarded the bus again for a much longer trip, without any stops this time, for the reception hall.

From L to R: Caity, Micchi, Rebecca F., me, Jen, Sara, Amanda, Rebecca H.

 Dinner was excellent and for the first time in my life I had a potato salad I liked. Sweet potato salad. Then we cut the cake.

After the cake came the first dance. The song we picked dropped the F-bomb a few times, but it was so perfectly us we had to use it. Here's To Us by Halestorm.

We danced the Time Warp, we were given a bottle of homemade mead from a friend, everything went perfectly. There were a few minor bumps here and there, we were devoured by mosquitoes during the photo shoots, and I have not been that physically active in a long time and I felt like a giant bruise by the end of the night, but it was beautiful and perfect and we loved it.

Cake was chocolate, the cupcakes were raspberry

Wedding Day!

This is scheduled to be posted automatically during the time of the wedding. I want to thank everyone for making this day possible.

First, thanks goes to Wish Upon A Wedding, because without them, none of this would be happening.

To Cindy Lange-Kubick of the Lincoln Journal-Star, for running a feature in today's paper to highlight Wish Upon A Wedding and the awesome people who made everything happen.

To Tina Schneckloth, my wedding planner from Kimera Wedding & Events, for all of her hard work getting everything coordinated and on board with this event. She's the reason everything is going so smoothly. And an extra thanks to Jen from Cherry On Top Events for helping Tina set everything up today and your assistance in seeing that it all runs like clockwork.

To the Willow Creek Glass Chapel and the Millard Plaza Ballroom for hosting the Ceremony and Reception, respectively.

To Shari from I Choose You Ceremonies for officiating the wedding, and writing up a beautiful ceremony for this special day.

To Andrea Erickson, for lending your powerful voice to a performance of Shania Twain's "From This Moment On" during the processional.

By Marla Austin Photography

To Scott from A Joyful Rose DJ Service for providing the music throughout the wedding and the reception, and having even a few obscure songs we wanted.

To Marla Austin from Marla Austin Photography for the beautiful pictures taken for the engagement and the wedding itself.

To Cali from A Sound Impression for the wonderful engagement video and the videography of the wedding and reception.

To Blush Makeup Artistry and the EQ School of Hair Design for doing the entire wedding party's makeup and hair, and working with my wig so I can wear my veil.

To Rhylan Lang for the stunning bridal jewelry gifted to the two of us to help make the day even more special (and sparkly!)

To Corum's Flowers and Gifts and Country Elegance for the flowers and decorations for the chapel and reception hall.

To the KROC Center Catering for a delicious meal, and to The Cake Gallery for a gorgeous wedding cake. A tasty note to a wonderful day from the both of them.

To M&M Advertising for the beautiful invitations, to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory for the wedding favors, and to Memories For Life for the guestbook.

To Jone-Z Party Bus for the transportation to and from the chapel, and finally to the Hampton Inn and Suites for providing a room for Jen and I after the reception so we might have a chance to unwind in private. (We have 3 out of town guests currently staying with us over the week around the wedding)

It's an incredible day and it wouldn't be what it is without the contributions and help from each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for this, and may the coverage send paying customers your way. That's the gift I have in return for everyone's amazing generosity.

It's in the Little Things

When I was first diagnosed, one of the most important pieces of advice I received came from a coworker. "People will want to help. Let them."

A cancer diagnosis doesn't just affect the person with the disease, but those around them too. It's a scary beast, and there's precious little anyone can do to make it better. There isn't a cure. Not everyone is in a position to be able to help with grocery shopping or housework, and oftentimes, people want to do something but are at a loss what to do.

Cancer makes people feel powerless. Being able to help empowers them, lets them join us in the fight to say a hearty Fuck You to cancer.

A lady in a metastatic group I follow posted about the ways her boss was making her work life as stress-free as possible, and although she was infinitely grateful, she felt bad accepting the help. We feel guilty for being sick, for needing things done for us, for accepting gifts that we don't feel we deserve, and are at a loss for ways to express how much it means to us.

The best way to show gratitude is to accept the gift graciously in the spirit in which it was given. Allow others the opportunist to reach out and help you. Accept it without guilt, without remorse, knowing fully that in doing so, we lift up others and allow joy to grow even in the darkest times.

Think of how much pleasure you get personally when you find the perfect gift for someone, just the thing you know will bring a smile to their day, and the lightness of heart you feel when you deliver it. Others feel the same with their gifts, thank them in the truest way possible by allowing them this joy.

If you want to do something in return, write a letter, or a card, and express how precious their help has been and how much you treasure it. Give them something concrete to hold to, your words that will survive you, and the peace of knowing that they were able to make your burden a little less, your day a little brighter.

That's all many people want. To give, to spread joy, to lessen the burden. With cancer, there's precious few ways one can do that. People will want to help you. Letting them is the best way to thank them.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." - Melody Beattie

Getting closer to the big day

My tooth extraction yesterday went smoothly. The Tramadol I'm already on, coupled with Tylenol, is doing its job of keeping the post-op pain at bay. It's making me nod off quite a bit though. I normally only take Tramadol before bed to stave off arthritis pain in my lower back. I know it is arthritis and not bone mets because the arthritis was confirmed and diagnosed with X-rays a couple of years prior to the breast cancer diagnosis, and it hasn't changed or moved. The Tramadol also helps with joint pain brought on by the Femara.

It is now exactly 15 days before the wedding. The itinerary for the wedding day has been written up, a fine piece of time management by my wedding planner, Tina. She's following up on a few more things for me, and Jen needs to finish setting the reception music with the DJ, Scott. The cake, the catering, the flowers, the decorations, all that's finalized and will be ready to go. I'm super-grateful to all these people who are volunteering their time, energy, and resources to make this a special day.

The Best Maid, Sara, has put together gift bags for the wedding party. It was her idea. She suggested something, I brought up something else, and it snowballed into a project she's enjoyed doing. She's a rockstar. She's also putting together an in-case-of-anything emergency bag with the Matron of Honor, my BFF, Rebecca. Rebecca is also in charge with making any necessary phone calls on the wedding day and helping me transport people to and from the reception.

METAvivor Ribbon Charm

Sara made beaded necklaces with the Metavivor ribbon attached as a charm, and my bridesmaid, Micchi, made matching earrings to go with the necklaces. These are just some of the goodies included in the wedding party gift bags.

Speaking of gift bags, my mother is having fun planning and putting together snack lunch bags for everyone who'll be riding on the Jone-Z Party Bus from the reception hall parking lot, to the chapel, and back again, since there'll be a layover around lunchtime at the hair salon where the party's getting hair and makeup done. These bags will include a variety of treats, ranging from healthy (and low-carb) options to indulgent, and include a bottle of water and wet wipes for cleanup. She's also bringing up some local soda water from Texas, fifteen bottles in a cooler, for people who want something other than water to drink.

All this activity and the prospect of a lot of people is triggering Jen's anxiety disorder, so Sara and I, along with Jen's "sister", Kim, are plotting ways to keep the attention off her and keeping her from getting overstimulated and having a meltdown.  My own anxiety disorder is far more mild and tends to present itself when I don't have a lot going on to occupy my attention.

As far as the plans for Pinktober go, I've got almost all the days filled. I'm holding off on writing any more posts to see what my guest bloggers will produce, along with an interview from someone at Metavivor.  I think I have the hang of this queued posts thing figured out, and I'm looking forward to seeing these going live. I think it will be a good month for everyone reading. I'll have a new tag, Pinktober, for all the posts for the month.